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don’t talk about reproductive rights without talking about forced sterilization. don’t talk about reproductive rights without talking about eugenic abortion. don’t talk about reproductive rights without considering who you are implicitly encouraging to have babies, and who you are discouraging from it.
Thinking about if it’d be a stress release to come out as polyamorous to more of my extended family, because then I could talk more openly about how my relationship(s) are going and how I feel about that, especially if something happy happens that I want to share or something scary happens that I need support around
But since I’m only in one romantic relationship currently and am not planning on starting another one right now, in terms of talking about the present that’d just mean talking about how I make out and sometimes do BDSM with a few of my friends and sometimes also with folks I meet online except that went super terribly once and I still have nightmares about it
Idk if sharing that more broadly with relatives would actually make me feel more supported and comfortable or not, or if I’d just end up feeling even more awkward
Have you ever had a crush on a prof/teacher?
Pretty much every lady teacher in her 30s that I had in high school, except the environmental science one, oddly
And a couple in college, but if you want details on those I’ll just tell you personally
Some scary controlling people will tell you over and over how important consent is to them. They will tell you that they want to respect your boundaries, and that if anything makes you uncomfortable, they will stop. They will say this over and over, apparently sincerely.
Until you actually say no.
And then, suddenly, they create a reason that it wasn’t ok, after all, and that you’re going to do what they wanted anyway.
They will tell you that it *would* be ok to say no, and that of course they’d respect it, but you said it wrong. And that you have to understand that it hurts them when you say it that way. (And that you should make it better by doing what they wanted).
Or they will tell you that of course they don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but you said yes before. And that this means that either it’s really ok with you, or that you don’t trust them anymore. And that you have to understand that it hurts when you withdraw trust like that (and that you should make it better by doing what they wanted.)
Or that they have a headache. Or that they just can’t deal with it right now. That maybe when they feel better or aren’t tired or grumpy or had a better day it will be ok to say no. (And that meanwhile, you should fix things by doing what they wanted).
Or that by saying no, you’re accusing them of being an awful person. And that they’d never do anything to hurt you, so why are you making accusations like that? (And, implicitly, that you should fix it by doing what they wanted.)
If this kind of thing happens every time you say no, things are really wrong.
No isn’t a theoretical construct. In mutually respectful relationships, people say no to each other often, and it’s not a big deal
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